The Orchard Woman's Response:
Dumb, because I know you're not ok, of course not. I really do think it's a good thing to quit your job even though it's hard and scary. If there's anything I can do to help please let me know.
I really hope you don't go back to RI, not only because I'd miss you very much, but because I don't think it'd be good for you, but what do I know. You probably are not going to want to see me much anyway. I'm sorry that I've made you feel bad, that was never my intent. I do love you, maybe not passionately as you would wish, but deeply. It's my hope that you'll let me be there for you in some way now.I am really quite worried about you. Guess it was wrong to bring up that name Sunday, it's like in Harry Potter, He Who Must Not Be Named, and it's like that. Just for the record, my opinion of him is so low these days I would never even dream of any involvement.
As far as the attraction thing, yeah, he has something Nick, but so do you. You should not take my vacillations so personally, Easier said than done. Isn't it obvious there's something wrong with me? I guess I should've gone to therapy and maybe could have worked some stuff out. I understand a lot of it. My problem with you; it's difficult for me to take someone loving me so much, it seems almost unreal or just wrong to me. I should have told you, but it just recently occurred to me that, you know what, maybe I'm just making it up about not always being attracted to you, maybe I don't want to face that I'm the screwed up lunatique (remember, it means moody?) I just want you to know that I care and I love and I'm not the evil and cold person I pretend to be sometimes.
I hope I have not lost you for good.
So, see you soon, M
14:25 - Monday, Jul. 08, 2002
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